Mayhem Miller shares heartfelt message after prison release: 'I can’t fault anyone for recoiling in horror'

Jason "Mayhem" Miller has been battling with addiction, anger problems, and self-control issues for much of his life. Throughout his UFC career, he was often arrested for domestic violence issues and even live-tweeted his own police standoff.

Earlier this year he was released from prision, having served his time for several of his many crimes, and was immediately in trouble again.

Now, for the first time, he's shared his deepest thoughts, apologizies to the public, and his desire to improve in the future.

"I went away for a couple of years to pay my debt to society, and when I got out, I realized that I have much more paying to do," he wrote in a lengthy Instagram post. "Maybe it’s hard for the average person to understand living with a stigma firmly etched into your life, so I can’t fault anyone for recoiling in horror upon meeting me, given the press that I get. I wish I were made of stone and didn’t allow it to affect me, but I have, and failed those that love me.I thought I could smoothly transition from prison to the regular world, but things have been more difficult than I imagined, especially interpersonal relationships and the burden of being free."

Miller was arrested again on August 30 for assaulting a fan who approached him at the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood, CA. It seems that maybe this was his rock bottom as his moving, honest and emotional post came less than one month later.

Mayhem Miller says people don't 'even care what happens to an old prizefighter' in emotional statement

"Maybe some of you can understand and empathize, but I don’t expect you to, or even care what happens to an old prizefighter," he continued. "I choose this path far before I realized what could happen after the glory faded away, and I ask myself sometimes if I knew the reality, would I have picked any differently, and consistently I come to the conclusion, that, no, the younger me at the wheel, I could’ve never picked a different path. By all accounts I am a great coach, but all my personal problems have piled up, and I’ve fallen short of my own standards, therefore I am taking some time to work on myself. Until recently I viewed asking for help as something for the weak, but a very special person has shown me that the actual opposite is true; asking for help shows strength. Strength of character and strength of mind."

He also addressed his family and those he's hurt along the way.

"My family has bore the brunt of my frustration and self destructive behavior, so to them I offer a sincere apology and if I have directly affected you in a negative manner, I am sorry," he wrote. "More than likely, you’ve seen the sunny side of Instagram and figured, 'Mayhem is a bit whacky, but doing great.' I haven’t. I’ve been doing horrible and I realize that now and I’m doing everything I can to change it. Thank you for your support, but I’m not reading comments. I’m going to work on me now for the good of my family.Sorry I won’t be into Fight Science for sparring tomorrow or New Ground Jujitsu for a while, but I have a bigger bout to win."

Miller last competed in 2016 where he lost via a submission to Mattia Schiavolin. He was supposed to fight Luke Barnatt but missed weight by a whopping 24 pounds.